If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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