i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
