Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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