how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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