Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
