I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize