Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Everclear isn't food dammit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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