i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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