I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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