i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
