I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
