i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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