sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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