I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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