so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Mom said you looked used
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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