I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
