Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
