I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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