who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
