turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
