I think my vagina is haunted
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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