My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
