i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
