well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
