your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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