You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize