Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize