my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
