I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
