i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize