you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
FUCK WHALES
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
