I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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