break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
