It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just threw up on my dentist
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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