my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
