hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
