I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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