I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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