dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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