i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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