First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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