bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
