is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
