That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
