I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
