i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
