I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A bitchslap is in order.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
