New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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