don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
