Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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