honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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