I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it hurts more in the daytime
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
