mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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