three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
