Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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