Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
