the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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