Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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