remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
