She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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