At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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