I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
