I am in a vortex of obligation.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
