There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
