I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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