he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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