The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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