youre lurking in front of me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize