i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
