is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
