too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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