somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
