You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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