ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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