Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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