so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My pussy is not your playground.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
