you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
