it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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