I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
