All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
