she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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