youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
bring money and cleavage
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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