so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
