My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
